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Today I have done day 3 of yoga with Adrienne without the full downward dog, plank or cobra, no lunges. But I kept moving and breathing for 30 minutes. I have sat down for as long afterwards.

This morning I also have put on a load of washing, cleaned the bathroom and started to hoover the bedroom. Housework as a radical act of self care whilst all the things that are calling to me are ignored.

Today I had so many tabs open I couldn’t work out which to do first. Sometimes that induces paralysis.And sometimes I start with something. It may be the “wrong” thing objectively speaking. But I am metaphorically putting one foot in front of another.

Until I spark.

I used to have to make my car go like that. I was just big enough to do that with an old style mini on my own. If I had warranted a cameo in Its a Sin that would have been mine. A fuzz of curls and mohair pushing a two-tone car down a hill at drama school and jumping in like a rally driver at just the right time to fire her up. But I didn’t warrant a cameo in Its A Sin. I just had that kind of energy and strength.

So today I exercised to get me going and so many things snapped and protested and balance is a joke. But I turned up. I was present. I can do this. A year ago FB tells me I drank a beer with Women’s Equality Party activists on the eve of our return to door knocking. I kept complaining that it tasted weird. I had to leave the canvas early because I felt fluey. I had an upset stomach and cancelled everything esp seeing my Dad.

With everything that’s happened, I wonder if that is the point I should mark my COVID from but when I really got it everything tasted weird and smell broke down for sure – and there was that other thing with the lungs.

That was later.

But it’s from that weekend I know I wasn’t right. And also no-one that I know of picked it up from me. So maybe that was just a bug. There were no tests then and it was just like a flu, right?

Never such innocence or credulity again.